You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
