He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
