Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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