It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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