No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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