There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
