ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
