Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Please, let me fuck your mom
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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