ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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