Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
