If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
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is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
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you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing