Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
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I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?