Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.