Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
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You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
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You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?