i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?