at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.