While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
