I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ladies don't puke and tell
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
