i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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