yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
