Kiss
Puke
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
