I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
