so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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