I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
