sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
