Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
