...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
