I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
