does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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