mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
two words...techno handjob
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
