I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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