i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
