It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
