You smell like stripper and shame
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
