I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize