I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
