I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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