i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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