it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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