she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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