Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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