Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
