he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
