My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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