youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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