We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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