i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
