Already got asked if we're dating
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
