I wannas sexs uuuuu
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
