the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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