4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
