did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
