Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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