yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
