next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
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Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
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If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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