the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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