I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
