I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
