there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
