She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I love you. Go after that dick
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
