is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
