we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
