oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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