Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
