My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
