oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
