I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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