ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think my fart just growled at me.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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